When it comes to meeting women, dating coach Marni Kinrys has a word of advice for men: Ignore dating advice and just be yourself.
A.-based relationship coach and author, “but they need skills.” Number one on that list in her book, The Wing Girl Method, is to ask for what you want, because if you don’t ask, you won’t get it.
It sounds eye-rollingly obvious, but according to Kinrys, men are much more insecure than women realize and are far more likely to count themselves out of the game before even playing their cards.
“Whatever it is they believe, they’re rejecting themselves before they ever meet someone,” she says.
“They could say ‘I don’t know you, I think you’re gorgeous, let’s go for coffee.’ She could reject or accept it, but if they don’t ask, they’re rejecting themselves first.
I’m trying to teach them to be strong individuals, to ask for and get what they want rather than spending eight years pining for this one girl they watch from a distance.” At times her book hedges towards the more manipulative work of her friend, Neil Strauss, and his infamous book, The Game: Penetrating the Secret Society of Pickup Artists.
For example, she advises men walking up to a group of women in a bar to “break the bitch shield by entering with a playful joke about the group to get everyone warmed up to you.” After that, she adds , “once you’re able to convince them as a whole that you’re a super awesome guy who means no harm, they’ll invite you in and treat you as one of their own…which will make going for one of them even easier.” But Kinrys says her approach is really about “trying to help guys become a man who is calm, cool and confident about himself, someone who can laugh at themselves, set boundaries without being a jerk, be honest but tactful and own his mistakes.” “Rather than go into interview mode, where they fire off questions trying to figure out what she’s interested in, I tell them to lead by example.Notice something about her, expand on it by sharing about themselves and ask questions.Cupid is operating one serious, oxytocin-fuelled racket.According to calculations by consumer-affairs website Rate Supermarket.ca, a year of dating in Canada costs the average couple almost ,000.That tally includes 12 movie dates at a pop, which adds up to more than 0, and 12 “fancy dates”—fine dining, the theatre—which wallop the wooing wallet to the tune of nearly ,000. Money greases the wheels of love—and it can also be one of the biggest spanners in a relationship’s works.“Money matters can play a huge part in whether a couple makes it or not,” says Sarah Gooding, a dating coach at dating website Plentyof Fish.